Ask Mildred Continued

We are particularly happy to share with you some of the photos of our wonderful Guinea Pig family taken over the years. These help illustrate a little of the serene elegance, sublime sophistication and sheer fun that our Free Range Guinea Pigs provide. You can also read about all our guinea pigs and their Free Range Lifestyle, particularly how they have inspired us to create our ever burgeoning compendium of products and how much fun and sheer pleasure guinea pigs bring! As you become more familiar with our web site you will understand how the Manufactory strives to make for a truly Piggyomatic Experience!, badges, badge, personalised badge making, badges, badge

Dear Mildred,
I am suffering from the annual chore of writing “Thank You Notes”, for absolutely terrible, awful and unwanted Christmas presents given grudgingly by supposed friends and ungrateful family. What is One supposed to do with a battery operated, portable Skillet exactly? - and at my time of life too! How should I address my gratuitous comments?
Mrs E. R. of Windsor.

Mrs Mittens replies:
Well ma’am, if you had only insisted on gifts procured from the compendious Mildred Mittens Manufactory “Gifts So Brilliant You Would Want To Keep Them All For Yourself Range”, you wouldn’t be so disappointed would you?! Send me their addresses and I will provide them with Order Forms forthwith. M.

Dear Mildred,
Being of a somewhat Rubenesque stature I find the precise positioning of the wonderfully efficacious Winnies Wheaty Warmer something of a dilemma. Should I persist with a one position strategy, attempting to locate the precise focus of the irritation exactly? Or go for the multitudinous, multiple position and rapid re-application technique? Yours, Mrs Sago of Margate.

Mrs Mittens gives counsel:
Oh for goodness sake woman! Get your tight fisted Hubby to loosen that wallet of his and invest in numerous other Wheaty Warmers. A full range of both matching and contrasting colours and up to the minute fabrics is available. With a little friendly cajoling and the use of your innate womanly threat techniques, (centred on the “I’ll show your teenage friends those baby photos” gambit), the whole family can form a human Winnies Wheaty Warmer distribution chain, direct from the microwave to where you recline on your day bed. Thereby providing a constant supply of freshly warmed “Wheaties” to encircle and treat the required area(s). M.

Mrs Mittens replies in confidence to A. G. (Miss) Of Bangor:
Do not panic. Your worries are groundless. The Research and Development Team back at the Manufactory are, at this very moment, working on a Top Secret slipperette warming accoutrement. It is based loosely on a design inspired by little Wilma. This will solve your Wedding Night “Cold Feet” problem once and for all. The Team have released the accompanying photo (see pic to right), of the prototype version for your reassurance. M.